Hear about the little French lady who found her husband reading a philosopher instead of cobbling his horse? She said: "Gerard, I've told you a million times never to put Descartes before de horse."
Rene Descartes walked into a bar. "Whiskey?" asked the barkeep.
"I think not," Descartes replied.
And poof! he disappeared.
Never kiss a gift horse in the mouth.
To say "er" is human.
If at first you don't succeed... you can always ask for a bailout.
Did you hear about the Biblical Baby Convention? The theme verse was "We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed."
My music tends to worry me, so I play a fretless bass.
Every time I hunt for geese, I get a little down.
In my previous life I believed in reincarnation.
I think The Love Boat was a comedy of eros.
I was on pace for a four minute mile, but I hit a traffic jam at the toll booth.
I'm independently poor. My aim in life is to be independently wealthy, so I guess I'm halfway there.
I have a seven figure income. Unfortunately, the first three figures are zeroes.
I have to say this: I'm a libertarian. I have to say it. The government made me.